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Love Language Test

What are the five Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation

These are verbal expressions of care and affection. Think: “Thanks for putting the kids to bed” or “You looked really nice today.” Conversely, insults can be particularly upsetting to people who favor words of affirmation.

Gifts

Tangible and intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed. Going to your partner’s concert, for example, is as much of a gift as flowers or that new wine decanter you want. To individuals who favor this love language, the absence of everyday gestures or a missed special occasion are particularly hurtful.

Acts of Service

Doing something helpful or kind for your partner. Think: Waking up with the baby in the middle of the night or doing the dishes so your partner can relax. For someone who favors acts of service, ambivalence or a lack of support are more damaging than anything else.

Quality Time

Engaging in an activity together, particularly one you both enjoy, like a walk after dinner or talking with your partner over a platter of nachos. If this is your love language, having a distracted or distant partner that makes you feel unseen or unheard is the biggest pitfall.

Physical Touch

Physical expressions of love (whether sexual or more platonic), such as holding hands, a back scratch, a hug, a kiss, or intercourse. The absence of touch can leave these individuals feeling isolated in a relationship.

Here’s how to identify your love language.

Knowing your love language can be one of the single most important things in a relationship. Without this knowledge you can miss that your partner is being loving and caring. Unfortunately, this can result in a vicious cycle of resentment that can ultimately lead to divorce or a breakup.

If you really care and respect your partner, take the time to acquaint yourself with your love language and theirs. With this knowledge, you’ll be better equipped to meet your partner’s emotional needs.

Start by thinking about how you like to give and receive love. Ask yourself: When I want to show affection, how do I do it? Do you cook a really nice meal? Or maybe you send an appreciative text or buy concert tickets. Often, the way you express love can provide clues about what kind of love you most appreciate.

Next, think about what makes you feel most loved and cared for. Do you feel closest to your partner when they do something helpful, or do you crave physical touch? Dig deep by thinking back to all your past relationships—both romantic and otherwise.

For this quiz answer “true” if it is mostly true most of the time and “not true” if it is not frequently true most of the time. The point is to find the strongest tendency you lean towards.

This test is designed to find the Love Language that you like to receive, not the Love Language that you like to give. This knowledge is helpful in communicating your needs to your partner and evaluating potential partners for compatibility.

Attachment Style Test

WHICH ATTACHMENT STYLE AM I?

The following is a questionnaire designed to measure your attachment style—the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships. This questionnaire is based on the Experience in Close Relationship (ECR) questionnaire. The ECR was first published in 1998 by Kelly Brennan, Catherine Clark, and Phillip Shaver, the same Shaver who published the original “love quiz” with Cindy Hazan. The ECR allowed for specific short questions that targeted particular aspects of adult attachment based on two main categories: anxiety in the relationship and avoidance. Attachment styles are stable but plastic. Knowing your specific attachment profile will help you understand yourself better and guide you in your interactions with others. Ideally this will result in more happiness in your relationships.

Anxious: You love to be very close to your romantic partners and have the capacity for great intimacy. You often fear, however, that your partner does not wish to be as close as you would like him/her to be. Relationships tend to consume a large part of your emotional energy. You tend to be very sensitive to small fluctuations in your partner’s moods and actions, and although your senses are often accurate, you take your partner’s behaviors too personally. You experience a lot of negative emotions within the relationship and get easily upset. As a result, you tend to act out and say things you later regret. If the other person provides a lot of security and reassurance, however, you are able to shed much of your preoccupation and feel contented.

Secure: Being warm and loving in a relationship comes naturally to you. You enjoy being intimate without becoming overly worried about your relationships. You take things in stride when it comes to romance and don’t get easily upset over relationship matters. You effectively communicate your needs and feelings to your partner and are strong at reading your partner’s emotional cues and responding to them. You share your successes and problems with your mate, and are able to be there for him or her in times of need.

Avoidant: It is very important for you to maintain your independence and self-sufficiency and you often prefer autonomy to intimate relationships. Even though you do want to be close to others, you feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and tend to keep your partner at arm’s length. You don’t spend much time worrying about your romantic relationships or about being rejected. You tend not to open up to your partners and they often complain that you are emotionally distant. In relationships, you are often on high alert for any signs of control or impingement on your territory by your partner

Anxious-Avoidant*: Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. *(if you scored high in both categories)

Secure-Avoidant*: The Secure-Avoidant is only considered “Avoidant” because they do not follow the standard model of “one man+One woman in love, married, together forever, the end” that most societies adopt as the dominant paradigm. Rather, they are secure in who they are and what they want. They believe that love is an unlimited resource and therefore having multiple partners does not deplete you. In fact, it gives the Secure-“Avoidant” MORE energy. While the typical Avoidant will be selfish and even cruel to the people they are dating in order to keep distance, the Secure-“Avoidant” will treat all people they date with the utmost respect, care and love because they do not fear intimacy. The Secure-“Avoidant” may have multiple partners at one time or may move from one relationship to the next (on good terms) as their partner’s needs change. An example might be the “ethically non-monogamous” or couples in an open relationship. *(Test is not designed to measure for this type due to the cultural bias of the test designers)

Dating Personality Test: Who is Your Best Match?

It may come as a surprise that one of the lesser-known personality tests out there is actually the only one based on actual brain chemistry and designed with the idea of helping you find the best mate in mind. It’s called the Fisher Temperament Inventory (FTI), and it was created in 2005 by author and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D.

Through her research, she was able to identify four brain chemistry systems that are each linked with a collection of personality traits. And when you understand your specific brain chemistry, you can better understand yourself (and others).

Once you answer the questions, the test tells you which chemicals are more dominant in your brain and, subsequently, what your personality is like as a result. This will help you determine your personality type and identify which personality type will be your best match and which personality types you definitely need to avoid!

Dopamine (Explorer)

If your test shows dopamine dominance, you would be an “Explorer.” According to Fisher, Explorers are risk-takers, novelty seekers, and mentally flexible people. They’re curious, spontaneous, and energetic, and above all, they are creative. They don’t like too much routine and are always ready for the next adventure. In additional research, Fisher has found that those with dopamine dominance typically prefer to date people who are also dopamine dominant and should usually avoid dating Builders.

Serotonin (Builder)

Serotonin types are known as “Builders.” Builders love structure and routine. They’re traditional and conventional, conforming to social norms, including following the rules and respecting authority. They enjoy plans and schedules and are generally more concrete thinkers as opposed to theoretical. According to Fisher, there’s also a tendency for Builders to be traditionally religious. Those high on the serotonin scale usually prefer partners who are also high on the serotonin scale and should usually avoid dating explorers. These two types are quite opposite!

Testosterone (Director)

Those with testosterone dominance on the questionnaire are called “Directors,” and they do well with “rule-based systems,” or things like engineering, mechanics, computers, and even music, Fisher says. These people are analytical, logical, decisive, and have good spatial awareness. They’re also tough-minded, direct in their speaking, and often skeptical. Directors and Negotiators typically choose each other for romantic partners.

Estrogen (Negotiator)

And lastly, Negotiators are those whose test showed estrogen dominance. Negotiators are conceptual thinkers, and Fisher notes they do well with ambiguity and long-term thinking. They are imaginative, usually have strong social skills, including an ability to read people’s body language and tone, and are empathetic, trusting people. They are also typically emotionally expressive, where Directors typically are not. Again, Negotiators and Directors usually go for each other romantically.

Select one answer to each question:

SD = Strongly disagree D = disagree A = agree SA = strongly agree

January 27, 2018January 6, 2021